It’s no secret that humans are complex beings. Our personalities are multi-faceted and our decisions are influenced by a variety of factors. Sometimes these different parts of ourselves can include things like people-pleasing, insecurity, anger, or numbing. Many of us see these things as flaws—aspects of ourselves that we have to hide. But what if we didn’t look at it that way?

The truth of the matter is that people are shaped by their experiences. Many traits that some consider to be “flaws” are results of past experiences and sometimes trauma. When we recognize these, it’s easier to see that these parts of ourselves exist in an attempt to protect ourselves. What can be difficult is learning how to stop being hard on ourselves for the existence of traits that we’ve convinced ourselves are “bad”. But getting over our fear of being complex is how we can improve as people.

Many of us try to hide the parts of ourselves that we see as flaws and feel guilty when they surface. But guilt doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Instead, when we observe ourselves with curiosity and   understanding light we can often find that our beliefs are there for a reason. Life can be difficult, and blaming ourselves for adapting to our circumstances is not always the answer. We can even take responsibility without shaming if we look at ourselves with love and forgiveness. No one is perfect and it hurts our own self to hold that expectation for ourselves. Realizing that can help us be kinder to ourselves. Sometimes what helps me when I feel insecure is to think about other people who share my same traits. Would I look down on them for that? No, I wouldn’t. I understand that life can throw us for a loop and can cause us to change as people. So why am I being so hard on myself for the same things?

Over the years, I've learned to be more open when it comes to getting to know myself. Curiosity is a strength—and we can all learn to be gentler with ourselves if we better understand our own motivations and thought processes. Some of the ways I practice getting to know myself  is through journaling. It doesn’t have to be consistent or even legible. I ask myself a different question every few weeks, then spend some time jotting down my thoughts. Or, if writing isn’t your thing, you buy cheap voice recorders online and use it as an audio diary. I’ve done this before because I feel that I have more room to be casual, like I’m talking to a close friend.

Whatever your method, remember above all else that we are all complex and it is not a weakness. It’s proof of life. Again, people are never perfect, so I hope that this is a reminder to  anyone who needs it, to be kind to ourselves and to others.