I never understood the hype before becoming a parent. There's a calm on some Saturdays that I love. Ray took our middle to a softball tournament out of town while the rest of stuck around for my son's friend's birthday party.
As most of you, the days this week were packed. We have end school year tasks, getting ready for Territory Days in Old Colorado City, and finalizing a strategic plan for work. I am so grateful to be busy, it creates a sense of purpose even in the minor mundane tasks. And, at times I have to remind myself that I can handle this with small breaks of silence to regroup and reframe. In some moments it feels like the holiday chaos but without all the decorations and gifts.
I have pondered the past few days on relationships and the beautify and complexity that other humans bring into our lives. We all wear many hats. I have my mom hat, my wife hat, my business owner hat, my philanthropic hat, family, friend, confidant, professional, investor, and the hat that takes care of myself. In all the hat wearing, there tends to be mingling and crossover. I can be a confidant to a friend. I am friends to colleagues. I can work philanthropically with a business partner or family member. Deciphering between where information coming and how it's processed and through what lens and from what perspective is not always easy and I love the capability of humans to facilitate this activity.
It's so interesting to me as a studier of psychology to learn how we all manage and interpret how the world works, how humans interact, and how we find our way amongst it all. Why we stay in the groups we stay in. Why we build community in the places we do. Why we leave situations and why we fall in love with who we love.
According to many studies and theories, specifically Richard C. Schwartz we are all good inside. In the core of our beings; the center of it all, we are all compassionate, curios, have clarity, creativity, calmness, confidence, courage, and connectedness. It's environment and community that has the ability to shift us from our true selves and takes us out of who we are meant to me, and into other forms of ourselves that might be interfering with our purpose and presence. Amy Cuddy, creates compelling reasoning behind our motivations for being in the world. She explains the differences between personal power and social power as one, having control over only ourselves and how we respond and react to situations and others and two, wanting or having influence and power over others behavior and actions.
Often times when I feel myself blending with any other feeling than the 8 c's, I meditate on the feeling(s), circumstance, and possible trigger to learn about what might be causing the insecurity, anger, or sadness. Meditation is a key component of my self-care. The discovery has been transformative. There is true peace when discerning without judgement and with a lens of compassion that all the emotions I many feel throughout any given day are some how connected to another time or place and the results of that situation. I'm able to take my ego out and intrinsically seek the answers that measure up to true love and respect for myself and others.
I have talked about values in a previous blog for life and business which is studied and taught by Brene Brown. Values are vital to the understanding of ourselves and what truly defining what our needs are. In Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Tawwab talks about how we are able and capable to speak our needs in a kind and direct way for the purpose of creating a safe space in our lives to thrive based on our personal emotional and physical needs.
Saturday mornings are not always sacred time for me to slowly sip my latte from the coziness of my comforter, but when it happens, I am so grateful. I wish I could set it into an iron clad boundary unitl the end of time. The value of being a present and dedicated parent and the health of our family is reflective when the responsibility of getting children to their practices and games overrides my desire for Saturday morning blogging and cartoons for the kids. I don't always meet my own value expectations, but it's comforting and important to me to know what I am reaching for.
I had a teacher in grade school who had pinned to her bulletin board, "Normal is merely a setting on a dryer". This has always stuck with me even after all these years. Often times I wonder through a lens of insecurity what the expectation of normal is. After time, the answer resonates - Normal is only what we decide it is for ourselves.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to our next weeks conversations and connections.
This photo was taken by Sara Blanco next to river I played at as kid about the same age as my daughter when the photo was taken. It's incredibly healing to travel back and reflect on how it was compared to how it is now and the journey that has transpired in between.
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